Monday, 29 December 2014

christmas and dreams

Heyyyyyyy there. Long time! So it's been a month. I'd like to say lots of noteworthy things happened but really I just tried to survive exams, and enjoy christmas. Both of which I achieved, but to very different extents. I LOVE CHRISTMAS. I'm so sad it's over. What do I do with all this surplus christmas spirit?

- Cute christmas pics are what the holidays are ABOUT. - 

 Today is Monday and so I have one more week of xmas break to sleep, read, watch movies and maaaaaybe take like 1 day and do some revision/organisation. 

 It feels like I haven't written on here in ages, my last post was a short story (eeek) I hope anyone who read it liked it. I write probably one short story a week, and I never really show anyone except the odd one to my Dad if I like it. But this one, I honestly didn't even like it that much but there was something nice about it that made me want to post it. It doesn't involve any obvious tragedy so that kind of set it apart from, well, anything else I write. I think when I finish this post I'm going to write one, I've had some interesting ideas over Christmas break. Some inspired by people, some inspired by re-reading the Rookie year books, and some inspired by conversations. But as usual I probably won't post any of them. Ha.


“People think dreams aren't real just because they aren't made of matter, of particles. Dreams are real. But they are made of viewpoints, of images, of memories and puns and lost hopes.” 
― Neil Gamain


“I believe in everything until it's disproved. So I believe in fairies, the myths, dragons. It all exists, even if it's in your mind. Who's to say that dreams and nightmares aren't as real as the here and now?” 

― John Lennon

One thing that has been in my mind the past few days - how vivid dreams can be. It's scary. These thoughts have been triggered by a dream I had two nights ago, it was a really nice thing, and I woke up excited that it had happened, only to become really, really sad that it hadn't. But it just felt so real. I remember it as being real because it's human nature to remember feelings most accurately, and I can still feel the sensory in the dream, picture the people around me, what was on the television, the golden christmas lights.
It occurred to me then, how wonderful and cruel dreams are. Invading the one space humans have completely to themselves. Making us question things we should be certain of. Dreams can be incredible, they can reveal what's truly bothering someone or affecting them that they can't admit in real life, they can create a memory too beautiful to happen in a world where luck is so scarce, and they can help people get to know their subconscious, or see what it's capable of. At the same time, they are cruel because for a series of moments we can think we are experiencing something great, only to find it was all in our heads.

 But if it's all in my head, how could I feel it with every bone in my body? See it more clearly than I see most things in real life? Dreams may not be real, but they have meaning and significance. And what is more important than that?

- I love both of these so much. How did I ever live without records and artsy polaroid shots? -

So yeah Christmas was wonderful. From singing with my choir which involves many of my friends on Christmas morning and Christmas parties where I make fun of rich private school kids, to running out of carols to sing during piano jam sessions and singing Beatles songs instead. Ah, the joys. This was my first Christmas with my grandad since he moved into our house last January and it was the best because he is my favourite person ever. And it turns out, it wasn't just us humans who had a good Christmas...

- Living. The. Dream. -

Hopefully I'll have some cute polaroid shots to include in posts now, yesterday I went for a walk and there was the prettiest scenery and of course, I was out of film. But an iPhone had to do because it was so pretty. I really do love where I live. I remember looking at it and listening to the song The Gardener by The Tallest Man on Earth and it was cold and everything seemed okay for a while.

And in typical teenage girl fashion here's a selfie I took before going on the walk. LOL. I don't think I wear anything other than dark red/black jeans + a wooly jumper + a pashmina + coat + boots combination throughout winter. And I quite enjoy it. 

Also here is what I wore on Christmas eve, although it's super boring, I kind of liked it because I love polo necks and I love simplicity.

Side note: Sorry for the selfie overload. But who else is gonna put the Clothes in Clothes & Complexity?


Lately I've been reading and obsessing over (I'm nearly done but I don't want it to end) the book 'Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close' by Jonathan Safran Foer. The protagonist, Oskar, is so eccentric and interesting and it is written so incredibly. The plot is so impossibly intricate and well thought out and makes me never want to write a book because I could never come up with something so interesting and unique. It's one of those books where I come across SO many lines I need to underline as soon as I read them so I can copy them into my journal later because they are so brilliant. I'm excited to watch the movie adaptation afterwards too. (Below are some quotes from the book.)


“Feathers filled the small room. Our laughter kept the feathers in the air. I thought about birds. Could they fly if there wasn't someone, somewhere, laughing?”


“Why didn't I learn to treat everything like it was the last time. My greatest regret was how much I believed in the future.”


“I felt, that night, on that stage, under that skull, incredibly close to everything in the universe, but also extremely alone. I wondered, for the first time in my life, if life was worth all the work it took to live. What exactly made it worth it? What's so horrible about being dead forever, and not feeling anything, and not even dreaming? What's so great about feeling and dreaming?”


“Sometimes I can hear my bones straining under the weight of all the lives I'm not living.”


 Since exams I've read a few books, another old poetry anthology I found in my house (which is really not that interesting so I'll move on) But others include Lena Dunham's 'Not That Kind of Girl' and Mindy Kaling's 'Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? (And Other Concerns)' and they are both so brilliant. I love Lena Dunham and Mindy Kaling. Girls and The Mindy Project are two of my favourite TV shows and I really find them both to be such incredible, cool, interesting people, who I have found write interesting and hilarious books. Reading these books that are so witty and fun to read was such a joy because I barely ever read books that are more humorous and witty and clever than anything else.


The two vinyls my siblings got me to go with the record player were the 1975's self-titled and 1989 by of course, Taylor Swift. Both incredible albums but I've been listening to the 1975 more because it just sounds so good on vinyl. My favourite songs on the album are Sex (lol awkward titles), Robbers and Chocolate because it's the only one my sister knows so every time it comes on she starts singing/screaming/dancing/forcing me to dance with her. But I love pretty much every song on the album.
I'm also excited about being able to play the vinyl that came in the first Rookie yearbook. YAY. I love both of the songs on it. Rookie is the best.

I've also been listening to Fountains of Wayne a lot, as I always do, but there's something so relaxing and captivating about their music and I love the lyrics and the feel of all of their songs. I think Out-of-State Plates and Utopia Parkway are my favourite albums of theirs right now. I watched an episode of One Tree Hill a few weeks ago which had the song All Kinds of Time playing during the signature emo montage at the end and I was reminded of what a good song it is. The guitar solo....mmmmmmm. Ok now I'm just being weird. I would love their albums on vinyl but they're so expensive. I'm gonna stick with buying Joni Mitchell, Carole King and The Cure (and many, many more) records on Etsy.

During exams I loved the song The Other Side by Tonight Alive, which is the title track of an amazing album and I love it so much. It tells a story so well and I love the beginning and end acoustic parts in particular. Jenna's voice is so angelic.

Okay well, it's 11:45 so I should probably go to sleep (or at least try to). Good night and I guess early Happy New Year in case I don't post again before 2015. Scary. Although there is a high probability I will because I literally have no solid plans for the rest of Christmas break. I love having time to just journal, draw, read, watch movies with my family, write, etc. It's so nice compared to the usual homework and stress filled routine. On that note, see you next post.